When I first decided to write this month’s blog, I was thinking about Valentine’s Day and what I would do this year for my spouse of thirty-eight years. Initially, my go-to was what I could buy him because that’s the love language I speak.
You may find yourself asking, as I did many years ago, what a love language is.
Your love language is what makes you feel loved by others. Do you respond to words of affirmation or quality time with your loved ones? Or do you feel loved when others do something special for you or buy you chocolates, flowers, or something else you want? Maybe your love language is a physical touch—a hug or kiss on the neck that gets your juices flowing.
If you’re unsure what your or your partner’s love language is, let’s examine each one more closely so that you can decide.
Words of Affirmation
People with words of affirmation as a love language value verbal acknowledgments as affection. They feel appreciated and understood when hearing “I love you,” “great job,” or “you’re beautiful,” and knowing the speaker is authentic.
If spending quality time with your partner makes you feel adored, then quality time may be your love language. You may value having your partner’s undivided attention without the TV or phone or enjoy having a meaningful conversation with just the two of you.
Acts of Services
If your love language is acts of service, you likely value even the simplest tasks done for you to make your life easier. To you, actions speak louder than words. You prefer your partner shows you rather than tells you how much you’re appreciated. Washing the dinner dishes without being asked, making you a cup of coffee, or doing the grocery shopping all earn big brownie points with you.
Gifts are a straightforward love language. You feel loved when people gift something to you. It’s not about the monetary value but the sentiment behind the item. This is my love language. I once got all choked up when my husband unexpectedly ordered a case of protein chips from Amazon that I accidentally left in the online shopping cart. To me, there is no better way to say “I love you” than by giving an unexpected gift. So, the next time your cat brings you a mouse, understand that this is their way of showing their love for you.
For people whose love language is physical touch, they value expressing and receiving love through consensual physical contact. Touch is the way they connect with others. The touch can be as simple as holding hands or a kiss on the cheek, or it can be as intimate as cuddling or sex. The warmth transmitted through a touch makes those whose love language is physical touch feel appreciated, recognized, and valued.
Ironically, my husband and I don’t speak the same love languages. His are physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation. With no uncertainty, mine are gifts and acts of service.
The important thing to remember is that you don’t always have to share the same love language, but if you want to make your partner, child, parent, or friend feel valued and loved, try expressing your love through their love language, and make sure they understand yours as well. Understanding each other’s love language fosters a deeper relationship with the other person. It says, “I get you, I understand you, and I love you.”
So, I think I’ve solved my dilemma as to what to do for Valentine’s Day this year. Now I have to put the plan into action!